Fat stories

I didn’t even realize that yesterday was Tuesday! That’s what happens when you stay at home all day with little kids, you lose all concept of time. Anyway, so the stories today, are dedicated to my embarrassing fat moments in school. For the record, this is in no way me trying to get people to tell me I’m skinny… they’re just stories… that make me giggle. My self image is in no way, in question.



STORY NUMBER 1-


When Senior year began, the two elective classes I took were theatre and choir. At the beginning of each year, the drama teacher would take her students on a tour of the theatre. Now, I had already taken this tour a million times, so I was prone to joke off more than listen. At one point in the tour, as the teacher was droning on about the fly system (the pulleys that lift the scenery), I decided to very ungracefully, hop up on a table to sit. When I say “ungracefully”, I mean that I hit it too fast and sort of pushed it back, causing the metal table legs to fall off and the table collapsed under my weight. You can imagine my fellow students’ shock from the random crash from behind them.


Later that day, I went to choir. Before we started class, our director stood in front of us and in his sarcastic humor, found it absolutely necessary to relay a story. He had heard that earlier in the day, some stupid kid had sat on a table in the theatre and actually broke it! The choir erupted into laughter and added a few more distasteful jokes about the fat kid that broke a table! Fortunately, I was the only member of my theatre class also in choir. No one else knew… that I was that fat idiot.


Thank goodness.


STORY NUMBER 2-


In college, I had the great fortune to play one of my favorite roles ever, Penny Sycamore in “You Can’t Take it with You”. There is a certain scene when my character is describing the play she is writing to her family. During one of our performances, as Penny tells the story of a girl screaming to a man not to take her virginity (it’s a tasteful play, I promise), I decided to add a little dramatic effect by diving onto a chair.


That chair buckled… and by buckled, I mean that the wooden legs completely shattered under my weight. I fell to the stage floor onto a pile of broken wood and just laid there while the audience… and my fellow cast mates… roared in laughter. I tried to keep saying my dialogue, but it took several moments for my cast mates to recompose. Even by the end of the scene, there were still tears in a few of their eyes, from trying not to laugh. (And I was working with AMAZING actors, who NEVER broke character… so that might explain just how ridiculous I looked.) After the scene was over, I went off stage, only to find the rest of the cast back stage, still laughing, and already working out some jokes…. where I was the punch line.






And those my friends… are my fat stories.