I wonder what Walmart is like in Russia...

     So, at Walmart today, I was feeling pretty good. I caught two guys checking me out! (I did shower today, after all!) That never happens with two small children in tow… or ever… so I was pretty ecstatic. But then, a woman checked me out… and then another… and another, and by this time I realize that I am not THAT good looking, so I deduced that something must be wrong! I darted into the nearest empty aisle, pulled out my cell phone, and took a picture of myself. And sure enough, those two men who made my day, were staring at the huge mascara smear across my cheek.

   
     Darn.


     I wiped the smudge off, and continued on my way. As I was in the meat section, this woman came popping out of nowhere and was raving about how beautiful Laycee wass. She was loud, boisterous, and RUSSIAN! I’m not sure if she was drunk or just a really happy person, but she (without asking) ripped the blanket off of Laycee, and started kissing her feet… very loudly. "Muah! Muah!" Then she finally turned to speechless me, and LOUDLY said (in a thick accent), “I’m sorry! I just luff babies!” She smiled and began to walk away but then spotted Grayson peeking over the cart. Her eyes lit up! “You have a boy too! He’s beautiful!” She then playfully shouted, “Come here!” and started chasing Grayson, which of course, he loved. He climbed up on the meat railing and his foot got caught. She came over to him and was trying to yank him off, oblivious to the fact that he was stuck, and Grayson started yelling, “Ow!” She just looked at me and said, “Sumting is wrong.” I pointed out my poor son’s stuck foot, and she helped wiggle his shoe out of the bar.


    She smiled and then began walking away. But then turned around and shouted “ONE MORE TIME!” and reached out to tickle Grayson. Before she could reach him, he darted out of the way playfully, which threw off her balance and this middle-aged Russian goes crashing to the floor! Before I can say anything, Grayson dives on top of her and she just starts rolling around on the WALMART MEAT SECTION FLOOR tickling him! Loudly!


     A poor fellow shopper was trying to get through, but patiently waited while this bizarre woman was belly laughing… on the floor… without a care in the world. Finally, she got up, smiled at me like that wasn’t THE STRANGEST thing I had ever witnessed, and then casually waved goodbye to my son.


I am so grateful she didn’t hear him call out to her, “Can you come over and play at my house?”


What an eventful day we had at the circus… I mean, Walmart.


    Barry was laughing his head off as I reenacted the whole story, complete with a poorly executed Russian accent. When I finished wiping the tears from my eyes, I noticed my husband pouting. He looked at me and sadly said, “Why does the cool stuff always happen to you when I’m not there?”