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Once again, I have been absent from the blogging world. It seems like I use the excuse, “I’ve been busy” quite often, but I am recycling it once more.
I’ve been busy.
But my sister-in-law, Rachel, seems to find time to blog and she does a WHOLE lot more than I do, so my excuse seems kind of wimpy, compared to her. So here I am… attempting to update my blog.
Almost half a year ago, the children’s librarian approached me about directing a show for the “teen segment” of the Public Library summer activities. I never thought it would actually happen, but here I am, practically 8 months pregnant and directing a cast of ten fantastic teenagers.
We were given two days out of the week for the month of June to throw together a one-act play, called “A Bagful of Fables”. I don’t really have help with the show, so I have bought or made all the props and “costumes” myself. THANK GOODNESS for the Dollar Tree!!! And these past two weeks I have painted a 20 foot backdrop for the show… in my living room. By myself. THANK GOODNESS acrylic paint wipes off of wood floors!!! (Pictures to come soon. My AMAZING husband just taped it all up at the library today!)
So… I’ve been busy. I got a chance to go to Walmart all by myself (a RARE opportunity!), to buy shirts for my cast. But being alone with my thoughts at Walmart, without the screaming, whining, begging, whining, rambunctious, whining children… made me think of my children, the upcoming one in particular.
I got excited.
And I bought her an outfit.
The first money I’ve spent on the little bun in the oven. Only seven weeks left, and I’m just getting around to thinking about having her here. Is that sad? Or is it yet another sign that this has been the easiest pregnancy EVER?
...Or am I just too busy?
Grayson sort of grasps the concept of pregnancy… I’ve tried to explain it. He still gets a little confused so I thought if I could show him the baby moving, I’d have the perfect opportunity to explain things better. The baby was moving a lot, so I laid down on the floor and told Grayson to watch my tummy.
He saw the baby move and all of the sudden his face melted from curiosity to complete horror. He looked at me and gasped, “It’s trying to crack you open!”
What kind of horrible images am I planting in my poor son’s head?!? I think I will just retire from trying to educate my son about the baby… I don’t want him stuck with nightmares for the rest of his life!
I was going to write earlier this week but I am soooooooo glad I didn’t! It would’ve been the most depressing, life-sucking post you would have ever read. And then you would never come back to my blog again. I’ve been sick. And miserable. And really REALLY sick of being miserable.
Saturday, my throat started hurting, and by Monday, I had a full-on mash up of yuckiness. My throat was in so much pain it hurt to breathe, and I couldn’t even breathe through my nose. And my ears were so stuffed up that it made me feel dizzy non-stop. And of course, I get sick on the week that Barry only gets one day off, and has to sleep peacefully during the day as I struggle to be a sick mother. We just can’t get a break, can we Mothers?
So, I’d have to say I get negative points on the “Good Mother” score board. I feel so disappointed in myself, I found myself yelling constantly, which was made even worse by the screechy cackling witch voice my sore throat created.
On Tuesday, I got the kids their breakfast, turned on a movie and went back to bed. A few minutes later, Grayson pounded on the bedroom door, shouting, “Mommy! Jaye went poop!” I sprung to the doorway, and found Jaye standing there holding up her sweet little hands, covered in… you know. Grayson led me down the hallway and pointed at the smeared mess all over the floor. (Jaye decided to take off her diaper… and THEN do her business.)
The sight was so overwhelming I just threw Jaye in the bath tub and sat on the floor beside her sobbing. Grayson was so concerned he went and woke up Daddy, saying, “Daddy, Mommy is crying!” I yelled at him to leave Daddy alone. Grayson then asked why I was crying. I didn’t know what to say so I just said, “Mommy doesn’t feel well.”
A few minutes later, Grayson came back in the bathroom carrying my medicine. I snapped at him because he knows NOT to touch any of our medicines. And he looked at me with the saddest eyes and said, “It’s for you, Mommy. To help you feel better.”
I gave my sweet child the biggest hug I could muster, and started sobbing again.
Like I said, SERIOUSLY NEGATIVE POINTS on the “Good Mother scale”. When I feel better, I’m going to work on fixing that!
When we first moved to Carlsbad, I was called to be the Sunbeams teacher. A few months after that, I was called to be a mother. I was so sick I hardly ever made it to church, and when I was feeling up to going, I was wishing I felt sick. My class was awful, although I’m sure it was the hormones blinding my judgment. I would get into the car after church and sincerely tell my husband that I was going to be a horrible mother because Sunbeams made me realize that I hated children.
One day during class, one of the more “loveable” rugrats told me he knew sign language. I watched as the child signed “I love you” to me and my heart melted. “You love me?” I asked, my voice shaky with emotion. He rolled his eyes as he said “no!” and then signed his message again. “I said, I don’t love you!”
The dimpled fingers of this tiny little three-year-old made me cry. A lot. Then I asked to get released. (More for my horrible, non-stopping illness, though!)
I was relieved to learn a few months later that I didn’t really hate kids, but I always cringe (and laugh) when I think about Sunbeams. It has been a little joke between me and my husband. Three years later, last Sunday, I was asked (extremely last minute, as in, as class was starting) to sub for the Sunbeams class. This class isn’t known for the best-behaved children (I would know, Grayson is now in there), but I agreed to take on the task.
The lesson was about appreciating our sense of taste and smell: easy peasy. I thought I was doing an excellent job with my spur-of-the-moment lesson. I drew a large oval on a sheet of paper for each child and asked them to draw a face on the oval, and to remember to be grateful for our noses and mouth.
One little girl reached for a crayon and said, “I’m going to draw a frown on mine.”
“A frown?” I asked. “Why are you going to draw a frown?”
The little girl looked at me and earnestly said, “Because it doesn’t like you.”
Memories of a little boy signing to me came rushing back. I started laughing at the fact that a whole new generation of sunbeams acted the same way. I must just have naturally bad rapport with three-year-olds. But the point of my story is: I didn’t break down and cry in front of these little “angels”. And that just goes to show you how FANTASTIC this pregnancy has been for me!
