Work in progress

I came to a realization the other day. Our ward Relief Society asked me to watch two little kids for a full day. As I prepared for the huge task, I started thinking of fun things we could do all day, and different ways I could entertain the kiddos. 

And, since life never turns out the way one expects, all four of my kids got sick so I had to do an emergency cancel for the day of babysitting. But as I thought about the plans I had made, it made me think... "Why was I willing and somewhat excited to put so much effort into making the day enjoyable for someone else's kids, when I never put that much thought into my own?" It really surprised me to realize how lacking I am with my own children. They are my full-time job, I should be putting in a full-time effort to make the most of our time together. 

We had a lesson about motherhood and the declining birthrate the other day at church, and one mother (whom I truly admire so much), said that mothers put too much emphasis on the negatives of child-rearing. Complaining about life doesn't do much to inspire the next generation to desire having children. I find myself guilty of this... at most "girls nights", we all have a tendency to complain, or be somewhat negative about our kids, even if it's in a joking fashion. 

Here's the truth. Motherhood is hard. Stinkin' hard. And just when you think you've got it down, they change, and you've got to figure it all out again. It's monotonous, and sometimes I feel like I'm begging them to just watch one more hour of t.v. so I can get some cleaning done, or have some "me time". But, 20 years down the road, I'm worried that I'll look back and wonder why I didn't do more. Try harder. Love more. Play more. Smile and laugh more. Share more positive experiences. 

I don't want the reason why we do something fun be because I want another mother to be impressed with my ability to entertain her kids. I chose this career. And I want to make the most of it.  

Starting now. 

... When I'm done writing my blog.