Pregnant Again.

I often think about being pregnant again… and the thought terrifies me. Edited, pregnancy was LESS than enjoyable. Of course we want to expand our family, but I don’t want an expanded belly for at least another year. About a week ago, I was pondering this topic and I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. The kind of peace that scares you to death! I knew that feeling was not coming from myself and I began to worry that “the Lord’s time” was not coinciding with my own. I told Barry about my thoughts and we both counted down apprehensively until “D-Day”. That was yesterday… and nothing came. I spent nearly the entire night shaving a few years off my life through stress. The picture was perfectly clear. In a week or two I would secretly pick up a pregnancy test from the dollar store and when it came out positive I would burst into tears. I would hop in the car and cry all the way to my friend Elise’s house where I would tell her the entire story and she would sympathize with me while I cried even more. The whole time Grace would be staring at me with that curious look, worried that I was going crazy. Anyway, that’s as far as the daydream reached. I guess my mind couldn’t fathom telling Barry or my parents the news.
Eventually, I fell asleep. The morning came, as they always do, and I awoke to something I never thought I would EVER appreciate! I’m not pregnant and the sense of relief I’m feeling greatly outweighs the cramps that are moving in. I am safe… for another month!